


Swing Low Cherry Cherry

by kinoface



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-19
Updated: 2009-06-19
Packaged: 2017-10-14 05:38:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/145952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinoface/pseuds/kinoface
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Mamoru is gone, what Usagi wants is not what everyone else feels she should have—even if some of them might want the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Swing Low Cherry Cherry

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://community.livejournal.com/sm_fanswap/14830.html) for [sm_fanswap](http://community.livejournal.com/sm_fanswap). Title and lyrics from "Awful" by Hole.

_they know how to break all the girls like you  
and they rob the souls of the girls like you  
and they break the hearts of the girls  
swing low, cherry, cherry  
yeah, it's awful  
he's drunk, he tastes like candy  
he's so beautiful  
he's so deep, like dirty water  
god, he's awful_

Mamoru has been gone for one month, two weeks, and five days when Usagi decides to visit the race track on her way home from school. It takes her a while to find Haruka, but after half an hour and half a dozen sets of directions from runners who are all older and fitter than she, Usagi finally finds her soldier of the sky in mid-flight. Haruka is soaring down the track, swiftly making her way past the other runners as she sprints along the pavement. She is a creature of grace: her movements are practiced and perfect, muscles hardened, toned. Usagi stands at the edge of the track and watches for a long while until Haruka notices her and weaves onto the shoulder of the track, where she jogs to grab a towel and a water bottle before making her way to Usagi.

Usagi meets her halfway and starts to move in for a hug, but Haruka is already patting her face with the towel. Usagi smiles anyway. "You looked great out there, Haruka-san."

Haruka smiles around a deep breath. "Thank you, kitten." She drapes the towel around her shoulders and begins to stretch her legs against the railing that lines the outer edges of the track. "What brings you here? Is everything okay?"

Usagi rocks back on her heels, hands clasped behind her back around the handle of her school bag. "Everything's fine," she says. "Just wanted to say hi. I usually meet the girls at the arcade after school, but it seems that everyone's busy today."

Haruka looks up from her stretching. Her bangs are wet and stick to her forehead and her eyelashes. "So you only visit me when you're out of options?"

At first Usagi is silent, and then her mouth opens in a gasp below widened eyes. "Oh— that's not what— I didn't mean—"

Haruka stands straight and smiles. "I was just kidding, dumpling-head. I'm glad you came to see me. I'm alone today, too." She slips the towel off her shoulders and pats the rest of her body dry as she walks away from the track, towards the gym. Usagi follows close behind. "Michiru is rehearsing for a concert, and Setsuna has taken Hotaru-chan on a vacation for doing so well in her studies."

Usagi stubs her toe into the dirt and pouts. "I wish I could get a vacation for that."

Haruka gives a quiet huff of laughter and says, "Have dinner with me tonight. Neither of us should be alone."

Usagi's pout turns up into a grin. "What will we have?"

"Oh, I don't know. We'll think of something. But for sure, I'll get some chocolate cake for dessert."

Usagi's eyes go wide and starry. "Haruka-san!"

Haruka's smile deepens. She touches Usagi's shoulder and says, "I'll pick you up at seven. See you then," and then she's walking towards the showers, Usagi watching after her until she's out of sight and Usagi's stomach begins growling.

Later, after Usagi has finished her pre-dinner snack, she will try to study for tomorrow's English exam, but her full stomach will make her content and sleepy. She will work three full exercises from her textbook, and then she will call Minako to ask how her studying is going. Minako will tell her over the sound of a blaring television, "Oh, um, good— I was just taking a break—" and then they will talk about Usagi's plans for that evening. Minako will reminisce about the days when they thought that Haruka was a boy, and she will tease Usagi about being unfaithful to Mamoru and how quickly she dropped her plans of studying in favor of Haruka. When Usagi begins to protest, Minako will say, "Come on, Usagi-chan, we both know that it doesn't take much more than dinner and dessert to persuade you."

And Usagi will say, "I guess I always have been weak-willed when it comes to such things."

* * *

Haruka arrives at seven o'clock as promised. Usagi hears the horn once, and when she goes out onto her balcony, she sees Haruka leaning against the side of her car, hands in her pockets. She looks up and sees Usagi on the balcony. Her eyes are hidden behind a pair of dark sunglasses, but her mouth curls into a smile.

Her mother stops her on her way out. "Is that who you're having dinner with? How old is he?"

Usagi shushes her with a wave of her hand and says, "Don't worry, Mama. Haruka-san is just a friend."

Outside, Haruka greets her with a wide smile and opens the passenger-side door for her. For the second time that day, Usagi begins to extend her arms for a hug, but Haruka is already moving around to the other side of the car.

Inside the car, Haruka reaches into the back seat and sets a full, pink bakery box on Usagi's lap. Usagi peers inside, and when she sees the large chocolate cake, iced and covered in sprinkles and thinly-sliced strawberries, her eyes widen significantly. "Haruka-san," she breathes, "this is amazing."

Haruka grins widely. "You're welcome."

The car pulls out of the driveway, and the rest of the drive is made in silence. They stop at a take-out restaurant on the way and order enough food to get full and keep some leftovers, and when they arrive to the house Haruka shares with Michiru, Setsuna, and Hotaru, they pile out of the car, Haruka carrying the food while Usagi clutches the cake. In the kitchen, Haruka sets a round, ocean-blue plate at one corner of the table and says, "This is where Michiru usually sits. You can have her seat tonight."

Usagi sits at this place and sets her hands onto the tabletop, pressing her palms flat against the cool Formica. She folds her hands in her lap and peers down at the place where they had been; they leave warm palm-prints on either side of her plate.

"Something wrong, kitten?"

When Usagi looks up, Haruka is watching her as she sets the steaming plates of food onto the table. She took her sunglasses off when they entered the kitchen; her eyes now are open wide, reflecting little bits of light.

"Nothing," Usagi says, smiling. Haruka smiles back.

As they eat dinner, Haruka asks lots of questions about what Usagi is doing in school and how things are going at home, and with the girls. It isn't until they're down to their last bites that Haruka asks, "Have you heard from Mamoru-san yet?"

Usagi peers down into her drinking glass, swirling the water inside and watching the little waves catch the light. She says, "No."

Haruka extends one arm across the table but her hand does not touch Usagi's. "He's just busy," she says. "Don't take it personally."

"Oh, I know." Usagi gives a hard smile. "He told me when he left that he might not be able to call or write for a while. I know he's just caught up in unpacking and meeting new people, and..." Her smile falters and weakens. "And other stuff."

Haruka smiles, though her eyes do not reflect it. Her fingers curl on the tabletop, and then she's picking up her plate and walking to the sink. She says over her shoulder, "You know that you have a lot of friends here watching out for you."

When Haruka has turned away, Usagi lifts a hand to wipe gently at her eyes. "I know," she says.

"Even if we don't see each other for a while sometimes."

"I know."

Haruka smiles again. This time, it is reflected in her eyes. She turns on the faucet and begins rinsing her plate. "What about Seiya-san?"

Usagi's face brightens at the mention of Seiya's name. "He's been a very good friend to me. He can be irritating sometimes, but..."

Haruka pours some dish soap onto a sponge and wipes it over the plate in her hands. The dark sauces and bits of rice slip off with the soap. "Have you ever thought of him as more than a friend?"

Usagi's already-large eyes grow several sizes. " _Me_ , think of _Seiya-kun_ that way? Haruka-san, that's ridiculous."

Haruka glances over her shoulder, one eyebrow raised slightly. "Is it? You two have become such good friends in such a short amount of time. I just thought you might—"

"No." Usagi folds her arms tightly over her chest and gives an exaggerated shake of her head. "Not in a million years. I don't think of Seiya-kun that way, and I'm sure he doesn't think of me that way." Her expression is stern though her voice wavers at the end.

Haruka asks, "Would that be so strange?" The water is still running as she rinses the silverware, but she's speaking in her usual even tone, so that Usagi has to strain to hear her. "You might not realize it, kitten, but you are a remarkable girl. I would find it more strange if Seiya-san _didn't_ think of you that way. You need to be aware of these things."

Usagi crinkles her nose. For a while she is still and silent, peering down at the faint imprints of her palms on the table as Haruka finishes washing the silverware. Then she stands and carries her plate to the sink, where Haruka takes it from her with a quiet thank-you and begins rinsing it beneath the stream of water.

Usagi takes a deep breath and says quickly, "I don't feel that way about Seiya-kun, but..." She takes another breath, more slowly this time. "But I am lonely, sometimes." Her voice is quiet. Her eyes are trained on Haruka's hands, swiping the sponge over the plate she had used. Haruka looks up at Usagi's face, at her downcast eyes. Her hands keep washing. "Sometimes," Usagi says, "I just want to be with someone like Mamo-chan. Not someone who _acts_ like him— I don't want someone to remind me of him if he's not here— but someone who _feels_ like he does. Familiar."

The plate is clean, but Haruka hasn't noticed. She is still watching Usagi. "What about the girls?"

Usagi shrugs. "They've been great at keeping me company since Mamo-chan left, but they treat me like I'm made of glass. Like because Mamo-chan isn't here to protect me, I might fall apart." Her eyes rise to meet Haruka's. Her eyelashes are shining in the light. "I haven't fallen apart yet, have I?"

For a long moment, the only sound between them is the running water.

"Kitten, I—"

Usagi leans up on her toes, shoes squeaking against the floor. Her left hand braces against the edge of the counter. Her right hand touches Haruka's shoulders, fingers not quite settling on the fabric of Haruka's shirt. Her eyes close, and her lips press against the corner of Haruka's mouth, and they stay like this, Usagi balanced precariously on the tips of her toes, Haruka half-turned away from the sink where her hands still hold the ocean-blue plate, until the water goes cold and Haruka turns away. She twists the faucet off and sets the plate in the dish drainer, and she wipes her hands dry on a towel, and she says, "I think it's time for me to drive you home."

Usagi says, "Okay."

They never do eat the cake.

* * *

The next day, Usagi and Minako visit the café above the arcade to console each other about what will most likely turn out to be two failed exams. They secure their usual booth in the corner and order their drinks from Unazuki, and they spill little drops onto twisted-up pieces of napkin to turn them into brightly-colored caterpillars, and they talk about which answers they gave for what questions and which answers were guessed. When the conversation slows to a lull and Minako glances out the window at some boy passing by, Usagi takes a big sip of her drink and bites her lip and asks, "Minako-chan, you know a lot about love and stuff, right?"

Minako turns back to look at her with wide eyes. "Usagi-chan," she declares, holding one hand to her chest, "I am a top expert on the matter."

Usagi nods quickly. "So you've loved a lot of people, right?"

Immediately, Minako gets a faraway, dreamy look in her eyes. "Well, there was Kaitou, and Allen, and—"

"Yes, but—" Minako's mouth snaps shut as she turns back to Usagi, who continues meekly, a light blush creeping across her cheeks. "What I mean is— It's _okay_ to love a lot of people, right?"

Minako's narrow-eyed glare turns into a wide, soft smile. "Of course. You already love a lot of people, don't you? Like your family, and your friends, and Mamoru-san..."

"I know, but what about... what about _love_ love? Like the way Ma—" Usagi pauses, the blush deepening and stretching to her ears, then swallows and continues, "Like the way Michiru-san loves Haruka-san?"

Minako's eyes have narrowed back into slits. "Is this about Seiya-kun?"

Usagi wrinkles her nose. "No!"

Minako stares at Usagi for another moment, then takes another sip of her drink and continues with a wave of her hand, "It all depends. It's not that it can't work with more than two people— it's just that sometimes things can get messy. Especially if it involves men. Men are very gentle creatures, you know. Of course, if we're talking about Michiru-san and Haruka-san..."

Usagi is quick to wave that idea off. "Not them," she says quickly, "just, you know, someone _like_ them. That kind of love."

"Are you sure this isn't about Seiya-kun?"

"I'm _sure_ ," Usagi huffs, and then, "Why would things get messy?"

"The thing is that if everyone knew about everyone else, and everyone was okay with everyone else, and everyone had come to an agreement, well, I suppose that would be fine. But people aren't always honest with each other, and that's because people don't always like to share."

Usagi's voice is quiet, open, when she asks, "But wouldn't that be selfish?"

It takes a moment of pursing her lips in thought before Minako answers, "I guess it would be."

"So if someone already had a boyfriend, and she— I mean, this person— loved him very much, but then started to think of someone else, too, that wouldn't make her a bad person?"

"No, of course not."

Usagi tentatively starts, "So, if _I_ loved someone else," but the tight-mouthed look on Minako's face stops her mid-sentence.

"That's not the same thing, Usagi-chan," Minako says.

Usagi's fingers tighten around the stem of her glass. She does not look away. "Why not? Like you said, I already love lots of other people, like you, and Rei-chan, and— and Haruka-san, and— wouldn't it be selfish of me not to share that?"

"But Mamoru-san isn't here to say it's okay. You can't do this on your own."

Usagi frowns and says quietly, "I don't need Mamo-chan here to do everything for me."

"Things get messy, Usagi-chan. This is something that involves you and Mamoru-san; it's not a decision you can make without him."

"But everyone makes decisions without _me_."

At this, Minako looks away. She takes a quiet sip of her drink, and tears small pieces from the corner of her napkin, and says without looking up, "I don't know, Usagi-chan. What you two have is true love. You shouldn't mess with that."

"But—"

"If something went wrong, everything we know..." Minako's eyes flitter briefly up to Usagi's. "It's not worth risking the future."

Usagi stares down into her drink, sweet and syrupy and colored blue. She does not speak.

Minako touches her hand and says, "Usagi-chan," and her eyes are big and wet. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Usagi says, and then, "You're right," and then she finishes her drink and slips out of the booth and grabs her school bag from the floor. "I have to get home," she says, "I'll see you tomorrow," and she turns and leaves.

Minako watches her go.

* * *

Usagi checks the mailbox, but there are no letters for her. There are no notes slipped under her door or messages on her answering machine. Her mother, father, and Shingo are all out of the house doing something or other, and Luna is out doing whatever it is cats do. In the refrigerator, Usagi finds a plate of food her mother had prepared for her and a note with instructions for heating it up. She checks her answering machine again while her food is cooking, and she eats dinner alone, and she goes to her room to check her machine a third time, and she spends a few minutes holding the framed picture of her and Mamoru, and she goes back downstairs to wash her dishes, and she picks up the phone to dial Haruka's number but hangs up before her finger hits the last digit.

"I'll just apologize for last night," she tells herself aloud. Her voice echoes strangely in the empty house, but no one is there to hear it.

Clouds are beginning to roil on the horizon when she leaves the house, bundled up in a jacket and scarf. She walks for fifteen minutes before she feels the first sprinkles of rain; after half an hour, the sprinkles have turned into a steady shower; by the time she reaches Haruka's house, the shower has turned into a downpour and the scarf pulled over her head has soaked through, her hair matted down against her forehead, fingers clutched tightly inside her oversized sleeves but shaking all the same against the cold. She wipes the cold and the warm wetness from her eyes and looks for Haruka's car, but the driveway is empty and the garage is closed. She knocks on the front door and waits, and then she rings the doorbell and waits, and when after a moment there's no answer, she lifts her hand to ring it a second time. Her finger hovers over the button without pressing it. She turns to leave.

Behind her, the door opens.

"Dumpling?"

Haruka is staring at her, warm and dry and wide-eyed.

"What are you doing here?"

Usagi says, "I, um," and stutters, and closes her mouth into a tight line.

Haruka spends a few seconds blinking at her before stepping aside and holding the door open. "Come in. Let's get you dry."

Haruka hangs Usagi's dripping jacket and scarf in the hallway and sits her down in the kitchen and puts some water in a pot for tea, and while it's boiling she leaves and comes back with an armful of towels. She drapes one over Usagi's shoulders and sets the others on the countertop, and she prepares a cup of tea and pushes it into Usagi's hands. Even after wiping her face with one of the towels, Usagi's cheeks are still shining wet, little lines catching the light from her eyelashes to her chin. Usagi sips her tea, and brushes the damp hair out of her eyes, and stares at the table where her hands had left palm-prints that have long since disappeared.

At the other end of the table, Haruka stands with her arms crossed over her chest. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes," Usagi says, and then she looks at Haruka and says, "No," and the little streaks of wetness slip down her cheeks like rain drops.

Haruka moves to Usagi's side of the table but stops abruptly. She hovers there at Usagi's side, arms held out but not quite close enough to touch. Her voice is hard and strained. "Why are you crying?"

"I just..." Usagi takes a shuddering breath and wipes the little streaks away from under her eyes, and she says, "It's just unfair, isn't it?"

"What's unfair?"

Usagi says, "It's _unfair_ that Mamo-chan is off meeting all these girls who are older and prettier and _smarter_ than I am, and I'm stuck here, alone, listening to everyone say that I _can't_ do one thing, and that it's my _responsibility_ to do another, and— and—" The floodgates open; the tears spill unabated from her eyes, and her voices comes in a loud, choked wail: "And it's just _unfair_ —"

Her sobs echo quietly in the sparse kitchen. She sits there, alone, crying into her tea cup, her tears starting little ripples in the warm liquid. Haruka opens her mouth silently, swallows, and says, "Dumpling—"

"Don't—" Usagi turns her face away, shoulders hunching in around the cup in her hands. "Don't call me that."

Slowly, Haruka tries again. " _Usagi_ , I thought you said that you hadn't heard from Mamoru-san."

Usagi sniffles. "Well, no..."

"So how do you know that he's with these girls?"

Usagi's mouth puckers into a small, tight frown. For a moment she is silent, sniffling and wiping at her eyes with her damp shirt sleeve. "I guess I don't," she says quietly. "I kind of got carried away." The blush that had already been spreading over her cheeks has reached her ears. She wipes her face one last time and stares wide-eyed down into her watery tea. "Sorry," she mumbles.

Haruka places a hand gingerly on her shoulder. "It's okay," she says, giving a gentle squeeze. "I'm sure that Mamoru-san is not running around with any girls. And even if he were—" She nudges Usagi's chin and smiles. "You know we'd set him straight."

Usagi sets her cup onto the table and slips off of her chair before Haruka can move away, pressing close, wrapping her arms around Haruka's waist. "Thank you, Haruka-san," she says. "I know you're always looking out for me."

After a bit of awkward maneuvering, Haruka pats her hands down onto Usagi's shoulders. "Of course I am," she says. "We all are."

Usagi nestles closer to Haruka's chest, her cheek smoothing the wrinkles and folds of Haruka's shirt. "But you're special," she says quietly.

Slowly, Usagi cranes her neck up to look at Haruka, her eyes wide. Haruka's left hand moves from Usagi's shoulder to her hair, to the wet curls at the back of her neck and up along the straight part that runs down the center of her head, to one of the cold, smooth buns above either ear. "Kitten," she whispers, and then Usagi is kissing her, again, standing on tip-toe and bracing against her shoulders. They stand like this, mouths pressed awkwardly together, like puzzle pieces that don't quite fit, until Usagi hooks her arms around Haruka's shoulders and pulls her in closer.

Somewhere in the next room, a door opens and closes.

Haruka is the first to move away, but when Michiru appears in the doorway, the two of them are still tangled together in an awkward embrace. Usagi jerks away and nearly trips over the chair behind her, Haruka's hand on her arm the only thing keeping her steady.

"Michiru," Haruka starts, "I—"

Michiru's jaw sets, her eyes narrowed and hard. "Whatever it is," she says evenly, "I don't want to hear it."

Haruka takes a deep breath and does not speak.

Usagi looks back and forth between the two of them, and before either can say another word, she turns to leave. Haruka calls after her, and Michiru tries to stop her in the doorway, but she slips past and to the front door. She grabs her scarf and coat on her way out and doesn't pull them on until she has already closed the door behind her and made it out onto the sidewalk. The rain is still coming down hard, and the sun has set below the dark skyline, but she keeps walking.

Haruka finds her before long, calling out to her from down the street and finally slowing her with a hand on her shoulder when she catches up. She matches her pace with Usagi's and holds a wide umbrella over their heads.

"I know Michiru seemed upset," she says, "but there's something you need to understand."

Usagi stops mid-step and turns to face Haruka. "I'm sorry," she gasps before Haruka can continue. "I'm sorry I messed everything up. I know you and Michiru-san are— you know— and I know people don't always like sharing, and that things get messy, and—"

Haruka takes Usagi's hands and holds them in her own, the umbrella clutched between them. "Usagi," she says slowly, "what are you talking about?"

Usagi's bottom lip trembles. She grips the umbrella tightly and says in one quick breath, "I'm sorry for coming between you and Michiru-san," and the tears begin anew.

At this, Haruka smiles softly. "You don't have to apologize for that," she says.

Usagi sniffles and blinks. "I don't?"

"No, you don't. I love you very deeply, and Michiru knows that, and she loves you, too. We all do. That's not why she was upset."

Usagi bites her lip, looking up at Haruka through wide eyes and wet eyelashes. "Then why was she?"

Haruka holds Usagi's hands tightly in hers and breathes deeply, and she says, "The problem isn't that you were with me. It's that you weren't with Mamoru."

Usagi's breath hitches.

"Oh," she says.

Haruka's eyes soften and the corners of her mouth pull down, but her jaw is still set and her voice is still firm. "I know things are difficult right now," she says, "but you have to stay strong, for you and Mamoru, and for all of us. For the future and everything we've worked for." Her hands tighten their grip, and she does not look away. "Some things are too important to risk."

Usagi does not speak, only breathes. Her chin does not quiver, and she does not sniffle or wail, and when she smiles, the corners of her mouth curving gently upward, her tear-filled eyes do not match the expression. "You're right, Haruka-san," she says. Her voice is strained and flat. "I'm sorry for being selfish."

For a moment, they are both still. The rain beats down on the umbrella above them.

Then Haruka takes Usagi into her arms, the umbrella falling away, rain washing down upon them as she touches Usagi's chin and kisses her cheek, and she says, "I'm sorry, kitten," and then she kisses Usagi's mouth, something gentle and slow, their lips wet from the rain and the tears, the puzzle pieces finally coming together, and as she pulls away, she whispers, "If things had been different..."

The words trail into silence.

When Usagi turns to leave, Haruka lets her go.

Usagi walks away and watches the puddles that pass her by, peering into each one and seeing the reflections of the street lamps that line the sidewalks and the little blipping lights of an airplane that flies overhead. She steps in a puddle, and the vision of clear, blue light rides each wave of the ripple out to the edge of the water until it disappears completely.

Around her, the rain has slowed to a light drizzle. Usagi tilts her face toward the sky and feels a few cool drops land on her face. After that, she feels nothing.

She goes home and waits for Mamoru's call.  



End file.
